Tweentieth

assalamualaikum and hi. 

it's been a long journey for 2019. I cant believe that tomorrow's gonna be 2020. the year which I've always dream of. those flying cars, my own family (pfttt), big chunks of money of my own, new house. ahhhh, I'm too far away from all of those things. 

it's been a rough year. a reaaaaaaaally rough year I must say. I cried tons of tears this year alone. been fighting by my own and I'm so glad I still have some of my true friends and family by my side. I dont' wanna go back to this year again. never.

there were too many things happening for this year. rough journey in finishing my final year project, friendship, family matters, self battle, graduation, spp interview and first job ever. 

I've finished fyp and finally graduating this year. I got to wear those mortar board and my own degree robe. it was an overwhelming moments to walk inside DTC and hundreds of people were watching you especially your parents and family. it feels surreal, almost ecstatic. I almost cry no lies. all because I can finally reassured myself that yes, I did it. four years of degree, not a great journey but I made a lot of new self improvements and met lots of new people and experiences which in the end left me with those sweet and sour memories. all praise to Him. I'll be missing uni life so much. I'm right now huhu :') I miss my bestfriend so much and our make up things, my AT16 batch 15/19, KDBM gangs and all those things in Tangjung Malim. ahhhhhhh.... it will never be the same again. 

had a major battle with myself about friendship this year. I guess I'm still traumatized of the past that I think that nobody values me as a true friend. no matter how much effort I put nor how much I tried to minimize the overthinking, I still suck in friendship. those countless night where I cant stop crying and sleepless night just to hear something that's unreal. I thought of doing it, yet I cant bring myself to do it. thank you Elvy and Maymei for being there for me at my lowest. sucks isnt it? grieving for friendship and ended up overthinking about it. I need to lessen it so that people wont be afraid to say hello next time haha :')

for the first time ever, I had my first formal job interview. prepared everything before the interview only to perform bad on the day. ughhhh. nevertheless, I think I did pretty well. it's been two months now and we still didnt get any result regarding the interview. hopefully I still have some luck in my life to be able to get this job because I really wanted to help the family now. insha Allah. 

I also had my first job ever at the end of this year. it's a part time job actually but idk why I'm working like a full time employee there hahahahaha. I'm still really thankful tho to secure this job before the real job begins. so far, I'm enjoying it since I also work with my bff and familiar people that I dont need to have those awkward moments for so long. alhamdulillah :)

yeap, I still dont have any luck in love life hahahahaha! but, I do get to witness some of my friends finally tying the knot or being in a relationship that they've always wish for. bless them for a happy relationship till jannah. ameen! as for me, well I'm so ready for it. bring it on 2020! hahahaha

I've finally find myself to be able to love someone again. tbh, I'm afraid of loving someone or something because I really cant bear losing them. I used to love cats in the past and had lots of them as a pet but it's been years that I dont have one because I'm tired of losing them and grieving everytime it happens. now, I have Diamond. she's so smol, cute and I cant wait to see her growth next year! live well, Diamond! I cant afford to loose you too 

resolution for next year? 

I want nothing but a stable and steady life. I can bear with some difficulties but I cant bear to have those rough journey just like how I begin my 2019. I wish nothing but long life for both of ma, abah and my families. being healthy and happy are all that matters to me. and ohh! semoga dimurahkan rezeki selalu! ameen ameen ameen!

I guess that's it for 2019. thank you 2019 for making me who I'm today. it's a worst year I must say but I still have those sweet memories to be missed. 

as I was saying, it's a little bit melancholy to end 2019 but I'm ready to start fresh for 2020. 

thank you 2019!

leggo 2020!

fatinCullen